Spin the Globe with Justin Butner

A world citizen may provide value to society by using knowledge acquired across cultural contexts.

Of Motorcycles and Backing Out of Deals (pt. 2)

Written 26 November

So what did I end up doing?

After stressing out for several hours about the bike, I spoke to someone who knows me best. He helped me see that it would be a challenge, but a good thing overall. I was expecting him to talk me out of it. And when he didn’t, I wrote the previous entry. And I believed it.

Then I called up Alyssa, and she put it fairly reasonably.

Well, to start off with, she was concerned about my survival and the general recklessness of the plan. But once the protective instinct was out of the way, she helped tag the underlying issue that was causing me to be hesitant.

What was my biggest frustration of the past few months in Australia?

The distances are long and I was beholden only to myself. I had no other drivers without recruiting them. And on the final leg the driver was either me, or Sam with my supervision. I had spent weeks driving for countless hours only to get places I was too tired to fully appreciate or explore before I had to leave again to get to the next place. I was always on. I could never just relax and be rested and see the sights with excited and clear eyes.

And what was I planning on doing now?

… Well then. Reasonable point.

And I was at ease again. Sort of. I am addicted to regret, something that I find rather futile and unhelpful. So I lamented putting so much of a deposit on the bike. But I wasn’t going to go, and I could breathe easier. And I did.

I tried a thought exercise (again, at Alyssa’s suggestion). What would I want in an ideal world? What would I be doing on this trip given unlimited time and money? What is most important to me right now?

The answer – relaxation. I want to see things, but I want to be in the right state to appreciate them. I want to have great stories, but I don’t want to just be pushing myself all the time to get them. I want to have freedom to stop wherever, but more than freedom I want someone else to just drive while I sleep or write or read or talk or do anything else that makes me feel like I have a long-distance chauffeur.

The bike is a fantastic idea. It is something I want to do. Get a motorcycle, learn to ride it, and then tour around some countries. Southeast Asia would be awesome. The Mediterranean would be great. Cuba could be really fun. I want to get a bike and go at my own pace. I’ll meet the locals. I will stop in off-the-beaten-path places. But I need time to do that. And time is a luxury I don’t have right now. I have 2 weeks left. I can’t see it all. I’ve accepted that. But I can see a decent amount of the highlights. And to do that requires someone else driving me from place to place so I can relax and recover in preparation.

So the decision has been made. It isn’t the decision that makes the best story. It isn’t the one that sounds hardcore. But it is the one that speaks most honestly to who I am and what I want right now. And following my needs and wants is much more important than living for someone else’s entertainment.

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This entry was posted on December 6, 2012 by in Australia.

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